Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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