Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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