I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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