R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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