It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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