Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
