This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
