somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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