im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
