I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
