You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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