did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
