he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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