Just cropdusted the office
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
