Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
