Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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