So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
