Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
