thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
