I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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