if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
