Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
