I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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