I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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