Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
