I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
