I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
