I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize