I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
