omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
