is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
