So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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