i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
