clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
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Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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