I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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