I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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