Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
