We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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