Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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