3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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