My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
