nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The Olympian is in my bed
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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