my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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