Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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