Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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