How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
