I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
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He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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