i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
