Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And then my night got REAL pukey
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
