i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Boobs are out for the taking
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
