It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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