When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
