I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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