we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
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Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
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New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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