The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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