Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
