I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
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What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
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He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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