is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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