Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
