So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
