I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
