Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How does it feel to date your dad?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
