what day is it and did you see me today?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
