I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
