It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
