Who did Billy Mays play for?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
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I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
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I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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