i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
