I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
