I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
