I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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