Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
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the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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